This week’s tip comes from a reader who has a first-world problem many of us are familiar with…
She asked, and I quote, “How do I get my mother-in-law to stop buying my kid so much crap?!”
But here is my answer in two words:
You can’t control your mother-in-law and you definitely can’t control her buying habits. To try to do so would just result in frustration for her and you.
Here’s what I suggest instead:
WORRY ABOUT YOU.
The only person you can control is yourself, so here are two things I suggest YOU DO.
ONE: Ask for what you want.
It’s as simple as that. If there are particular things you’d like your child to receive, just ask for those things. Possibilities:
- Experiences: a zoo membership, a pass to an amusement park, a day of baking cookies with grandma, etc.
- Practical items: pajamas, soccer cleats, new jeans, etc.
- College fund donations: Those of us who will have three kids in college at once say, yes please!
- Stuff: You might be surprised, but I actually recommend that you ask your MIL to buy your kid some stuff. In my experience, most grandmas are not going to be happy with a list of just experiences and practical items. Just be specific about the KIND of stuff you would like your child to receive. Board games? Books? One larger toy instead of a bunch of small ones? You’re the parent. You decide. But if your MIL is a shopper, it’s a good idea to throw her a bone and let her buy your kid something.
TWO: Say “THANK YOU” for what you get.
Remember how I said the only person you can control is you? This is where that really comes into play. Because it’s quite possible that your mother-in-law will ignore your carefully curated list of suggestions and just do whatever she wants.
That’s completely fine.
She’s a grown-up and can do what she wants.
And so are you.
So do the proper thing and say “thank you” for whatever she gets your child. She did it out of love, even if it doesn’t exactly match your vision. (And hey, to be fair, your “don’t buy my kid stuff” policy may not exactly match her vision of a daughter-in-law either, ha!)
Then move forward with my #1 rule of accepting gifts:
Once you’ve said “thank you,” your obligation to the gift and the giver is done.
It’s now yours and you can decide what to do with it. Do you donate it because it doesn’t match your family’s values or spatial limits? Do you help your child donate an old toy in order to keep it? Do you actually like it and want to keep it?
Do whatever you want. Just say thank you first.
I hope that helps all of you navigate this trickiest of minimalist maneuvers with love and respect. 🙂
Remember, this week’s tip will bring you one step closer to less stuff and more peace of mind. Cheers to that!
To your peace of mind,
PS Have a minimalism question you’d like me to answer? Email me at [email protected] and let me know!
PSS Want more minimalism how-to? Get my free minimalist starter guide below.